When All Else Fades

I believe you can choose to stand firm and praise God in the storm or blow away in it. 

December 11, 2013.

 I laid in bed and cried knowing what was happening to me...to our baby. Everything around me seemed to fade. I felt helpless. All I wanted was to stop what was happening and yet I had no control over it. Thoughts flooded my head, "What did I do wrong? Why me? Will this happen more than once?" I may never know the answers to those questions, and that's ok. I also think it's natural for those thoughts to run through your head.

I've come to notice a few things since I've had my miscarriage. One thing is that people are afraid or feel uncomfortable talking about miscarriages, either their own or others.  I'm not afraid, ashamed, or embarrassed to talk about my miscarriage. (I understand that some people choose to keep their miscarriages a secret, and that is ok also!) I don't believe that I did anything wrong to cause my miscarriage. I believe that these things just happen and it's usually our body's way and God's way of letting go of a baby that wasn't developing properly for some reason. Miscarriages are way more common than most people think…1 in 5 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. This doesn't make it any less sad when they happen… it's truly heart wrenching and only those who have experienced it can truly understand what it feels like to lose their baby that they never got to hold. I strongly believe that if you've had a miscarriage it does not mean you didn't deserve your baby, it doesn't mean you would have been a bad mom, it doesn't mean you are being punished for something. I can't tell you why you or I had to have a miscarriage but I can tell you that God loves you AND your baby! God is holding your baby (and mine) in his perfect arms :) Yes I'm sad, very sad that I lost my baby but I'm still OK and I'm going to keep praising my amazing God. I'm OK because of my faith in God and trusting that He is in control and has a plan far better than any plan I could come up with for myself because I don't know all… but thankfully He does!

In the midst of my heartbreak and loss I have learned (still learning) and experienced several things:

While I'm still very sad that I have miscarried our baby, I find comfort in believing that our baby is now in God's hands…really there is no sweeter place for it to be!

I have experienced God's enormous amount of peace and comfort and have truly felt His presence.

I felt the love and prayers from sweet family and friends.

I believe that everything happens for a reason…even if I don't know the reason….God does and that's what matters.

I've learned  am learning to let go of control….because really I had NO control in this situation…it's always best when we let God be in control.

I've realized that worrying never helps, instead it allows satan in and it symbolizes a lack of trust in God.

I've felt God's overwhelming amount of love envelope me.

I praise God for blessing me with a loving and supportive husband, family, and friends.

We have a God of love and mercy and grace…really we truly do!

It's not that I never knew these things before…but they have definitely been made so much more clear to me through this loss.

I've chosen to stand firm and praise God through this storm. I refuse to let it blow me away. After all…when all else fades…God's love is everlasting and HIS light will shine through!!! 

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever. 

Psalm 30:11, 12

Take a few minutes to listen to/watch these videos below. I find myself listening to these often :) 

Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns

From the Inside Out by Hillsong United

Your Hands by JJ Heller

Michael and Maria by Steven Curtis Chapman

Simple Reminders

I haven't been too fond of living in the North so far. I dislike the flat land, the sunless summer, the cold (WAY TOO COLD) Fall and Winter. The way of life is just different, not bad…different.  As I drove through town a few days ago I was suddenly in awe by all the trees.
They were stunning! I've never seen so many purple, red, yellow, and orange trees.

It hit me then that God's beauty shines through everywhere. Not only does God shine through by making beautiful trees during the Fall in an otherwise boring Indiana...but He shines through even during difficult times in our lives. Whenever I think things are spinning out of control and I don't know where God is leading me...I'm somehow reminded of God's beauty and goodness. God's love is unfailing...He never abandons us…. He never forsakes us…. God is good….even when I'm blind to it! Today I'm thankful for the beautiful Indiana Fall trees and their gorgeous colors. I'm thankful for such a simple reminder that God is everywhere, bringing good in all circumstances!

Waiting on God

There is a time and place for everything

…waiting is my season right now.

I admit I'm not the most patient person. Waiting for Christmas to come or waiting to see a family member can be hard but it does not compare to waiting on God. Waiting on God is often difficult but we can choose to praise God while waiting and receive huge blessings at the same time.

 I know that doesn't seem to make sense but let me explain. When I'm waiting on God I find it difficult because I can not physically see God and don't clearly hear His voice.  In today's society we want everything NOW. God does not work that way. God keeps no record of time. God is the same every day and never changing therefore there is no being late with God.

Thankfully we have the option to live by faith and can decide to TRUST God and can choose to be content during our waiting period. I believe God has us wait at times to help us grow in our faith. God kneads us like dough to make us rise.  The kneading process can be long and tiring. When you're frustrated and worn from waiting, remember that God has not forgotten about you.

God has a plan and His plan always comes together in His perfect timing.  Open your heart and allow God to work in you and strengthen you during your period of waiting.  It's not always easy but in the end we will see the benefits of waiting and realize God has a reason for everything. Never stop praying and asking God for guidance. Pray consistently and specifically and pray trusting that God will hear your prayers. We are God's children and I believe He will always take care of us.

I find comfort and peace in these verses below when I'm going through a waiting period. 

I also love this song---> While I'm Waiting by John Waller

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

                   

Proverbs 3:5-6

But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

Micah 7:7

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Matthew 7:7-8

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?

Matthew 6:25-27

but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!

Psalms 66:19-20

Things I Learned in July :)

1. I don't like sharing my husband for a week. The first week of July we took our youth group to Texas for the National Youth Gathering and while I was with my husband daily...I was also sharing him with the whole group! We slept in separate rooms (to be expected of course) but I never had alone time to just talk to him and see how each other were doing. Even though I was with him…I missed him and our alone time together!

2. Don't make rash decisions or purchases…take the time to think and PRAY about it!

3. Everyone handles grief in their own way and it is not our place to judge them. Instead I learned to pray for them and encourage them even if it's not the way I personally grieve.

4. I feel so much better when I TRUST God and be PATIENT instead of worry and want things in MY timing. When I pray and truly seek God's will and just wait quietly…I'm so much more relaxed and at peace with everything.

5.  I really do feel better when I eat healthier and exercise! Junk food and couch sitting makes me feel lazy and slow all day!

6. I like blueberries! I've never really eaten them before July and now I'm eating them like crazy!

7. I started my blog in July! I always wanted to but never thought anyone would want to read it. I realized that it doesn't matter what others think…I'm doing it for me because I enjoy writing!! I CAN do things just because I want to!! There's no need to try to please others all the time.

8. I have the most amazing husband…well, I didn't just learn this in July...but July was our 2nd anniversary and I was thinking about how he never ceases to amaze me. I love him more each and every day and he is constantly teaching me new things and showing me his love :)

9. Last but not least…to LIVE LOVED means to live each day fully knowing and embracing God's love for us...HIS PERFECT LOVE! Never let a day go by without thinking about how amazing God's love is, how awesome it is that He forgives us, and how un-limitless His grace is! This is what they talked about all week at the National Youth Gathering and it was such an awesome reminder that we are SO LOVED by God and we should act like it!

I'm sure I learned a lot more but these are the things that came to mind right away.


To see what other bloggers have learned in July check out Chatting at the Sky