When All Else Fades

I believe you can choose to stand firm and praise God in the storm or blow away in it. 

December 11, 2013.

 I laid in bed and cried knowing what was happening to me...to our baby. Everything around me seemed to fade. I felt helpless. All I wanted was to stop what was happening and yet I had no control over it. Thoughts flooded my head, "What did I do wrong? Why me? Will this happen more than once?" I may never know the answers to those questions, and that's ok. I also think it's natural for those thoughts to run through your head.

I've come to notice a few things since I've had my miscarriage. One thing is that people are afraid or feel uncomfortable talking about miscarriages, either their own or others.  I'm not afraid, ashamed, or embarrassed to talk about my miscarriage. (I understand that some people choose to keep their miscarriages a secret, and that is ok also!) I don't believe that I did anything wrong to cause my miscarriage. I believe that these things just happen and it's usually our body's way and God's way of letting go of a baby that wasn't developing properly for some reason. Miscarriages are way more common than most people think…1 in 5 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. This doesn't make it any less sad when they happen… it's truly heart wrenching and only those who have experienced it can truly understand what it feels like to lose their baby that they never got to hold. I strongly believe that if you've had a miscarriage it does not mean you didn't deserve your baby, it doesn't mean you would have been a bad mom, it doesn't mean you are being punished for something. I can't tell you why you or I had to have a miscarriage but I can tell you that God loves you AND your baby! God is holding your baby (and mine) in his perfect arms :) Yes I'm sad, very sad that I lost my baby but I'm still OK and I'm going to keep praising my amazing God. I'm OK because of my faith in God and trusting that He is in control and has a plan far better than any plan I could come up with for myself because I don't know all… but thankfully He does!

In the midst of my heartbreak and loss I have learned (still learning) and experienced several things:

While I'm still very sad that I have miscarried our baby, I find comfort in believing that our baby is now in God's hands…really there is no sweeter place for it to be!

I have experienced God's enormous amount of peace and comfort and have truly felt His presence.

I felt the love and prayers from sweet family and friends.

I believe that everything happens for a reason…even if I don't know the reason….God does and that's what matters.

I've learned  am learning to let go of control….because really I had NO control in this situation…it's always best when we let God be in control.

I've realized that worrying never helps, instead it allows satan in and it symbolizes a lack of trust in God.

I've felt God's overwhelming amount of love envelope me.

I praise God for blessing me with a loving and supportive husband, family, and friends.

We have a God of love and mercy and grace…really we truly do!

It's not that I never knew these things before…but they have definitely been made so much more clear to me through this loss.

I've chosen to stand firm and praise God through this storm. I refuse to let it blow me away. After all…when all else fades…God's love is everlasting and HIS light will shine through!!! 

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever. 

Psalm 30:11, 12

Take a few minutes to listen to/watch these videos below. I find myself listening to these often :) 

Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns

From the Inside Out by Hillsong United

Your Hands by JJ Heller

Michael and Maria by Steven Curtis Chapman

Things I Learned in July :)

1. I don't like sharing my husband for a week. The first week of July we took our youth group to Texas for the National Youth Gathering and while I was with my husband daily...I was also sharing him with the whole group! We slept in separate rooms (to be expected of course) but I never had alone time to just talk to him and see how each other were doing. Even though I was with him…I missed him and our alone time together!

2. Don't make rash decisions or purchases…take the time to think and PRAY about it!

3. Everyone handles grief in their own way and it is not our place to judge them. Instead I learned to pray for them and encourage them even if it's not the way I personally grieve.

4. I feel so much better when I TRUST God and be PATIENT instead of worry and want things in MY timing. When I pray and truly seek God's will and just wait quietly…I'm so much more relaxed and at peace with everything.

5.  I really do feel better when I eat healthier and exercise! Junk food and couch sitting makes me feel lazy and slow all day!

6. I like blueberries! I've never really eaten them before July and now I'm eating them like crazy!

7. I started my blog in July! I always wanted to but never thought anyone would want to read it. I realized that it doesn't matter what others think…I'm doing it for me because I enjoy writing!! I CAN do things just because I want to!! There's no need to try to please others all the time.

8. I have the most amazing husband…well, I didn't just learn this in July...but July was our 2nd anniversary and I was thinking about how he never ceases to amaze me. I love him more each and every day and he is constantly teaching me new things and showing me his love :)

9. Last but not least…to LIVE LOVED means to live each day fully knowing and embracing God's love for us...HIS PERFECT LOVE! Never let a day go by without thinking about how amazing God's love is, how awesome it is that He forgives us, and how un-limitless His grace is! This is what they talked about all week at the National Youth Gathering and it was such an awesome reminder that we are SO LOVED by God and we should act like it!

I'm sure I learned a lot more but these are the things that came to mind right away.


To see what other bloggers have learned in July check out Chatting at the Sky

2 years!!!

Today marks our 2nd wedding anniversary! Woo hoo! It's been great honestly. Marriage is not always easy but it's been by far my most favorite thing. Daniel and I have been through many changes over the last two years. We got married July 29, 2011 in Huntsville, AL. We went on our amazing honeymoon to Couples Sans Souci in Jamaica. It was gorgeous and perfect. I would highly recommend it to anyone! Then we returned to Huntsville for a couple of weeks and then moved to Troy, AL so that I could finish my last semester of Nursing School. We rented an add on apartment to a house from a friend I knew. It was perfect for our short time there. After a long and stressful semester (much props to Daniel for being so supportive and dealing with my school stress quite well) I graduated in December. We then moved our stuff back to Huntsville and stayed with my parents through Christmas and New Years. God blessed us and provided a Hyundai Santa Fe with low milage at a great price that we were able to pay in full with cash! We then packed up a moving van and moved to NE Indiana which is where we are today. We moved here for Daniel's DCE Internship. We stayed in a small apartment on a corn field for a year…literally our back yard was a corn field! The church then hired Daniel on as full time DCE after his internship and we moved out of the apartment into a little white house in town with much more space than our apartment. We are renting, but we love our little home! We are able to have Hershey with us now…before he wasn't allowed in the apartment so we had to leave him back in AL with my parents.  Our time in Indiana hasn't been the easiest. We miss our families tremendously, our friends, and The South and its warm weather. We also aren't used to living in such a small town. However, our time here has also been a huge blessing! Daniel and I have learned so much and have grown not only closer in our marriage but closer to God. God also provided me with a great nursing job with amazing co-workers! We are so thankful for all of our friends we have made here! This town really has some amazing people that have made an impact on us both. God has taught Daniel and I in our 2 years of marriage to be content no matter where we are or what the circumstances are. God has always provided everything we've needed…and so much more! We've learned to praise and serve God at all times and that His plan is always perfect even when we don't see it that way at first…sometimes it takes a while!! I don't know what God has planned for the next 2 years of our marriage but I sure am excited to find out!!